The following story took place on "Thirsty Thursday" at a Lexington Legends game in Lexington, KY. It is a Horace Grant Halftime Report original story and it is 100% true and bad ass.The Introduction
Thursday nights at Applebee's Park is "college night" featuring $1 beers. The Legends marketing department thought they hit a grand slam with this idea but they obviously don't know how we roll. For most, $5 will get you a buzz while you watch great baseball and enjoy a ballpark frank. For my crew, $20 will get you memories.
The Setup
Every week, the left field bleacher section spells GO LEGENDS in the fence with empty cups. I must commend these gentlemen on their engineering efforts, but that was cool at little league games. (Not to mention the fact that my crew usually has more than 9 letters worth of empty cups by the middle of the 5th inning.) On this particular Thursday, we decided to take over the fence and let the crowd know how we really felt.
The Decoy - "#8 Succeeds"
We had been riding #8, the opposing left fielder, all game and just as a joke I suggested we spell out "#8 SUCKS" in the fence. I expected my friends to respond with a simple "ha ha that would be funny" but instead I got a look of determination, motivation, and intoxication. The boys immediately started pounding their beers and I knew it was going down.... "#8 SUC" was on the fence as Legends security approached our section. He didn't appear to be very thrilled with our spelling of GO LEGENDS. We began to chant "#8 SUCCEEDS! #8 SUCCEEDS!" and told him we were simply encouraging #8 to perform well and that he was crazy if he thought we were going to spell SUCKS. Within a few minutes, he returned to whatever shithole office he resides in.
The Prank - "#8 Sucks Balls + Cock"
After spelling "#8 SUCCEEDS" in the fence to please the dickhead, his co-workers, and #8... we went in for the kill. Within seconds we changed our praises of confidence for #8 to what will go down as the greatest prank minor league baseball has ever seen...
As the last cup was placed to spell "#8 SUCKS BALLS + COCK", the Legends left fielder hit a grand slam into our section. It was an act of God. Every face in the ballpark turned to watch the ball go over the fence, but they got more than they expected as they saw our masterpiece. As the ball landed in the stands, the camera man zoomed in on the left field bleachers, not knowing what he was putting on the big screen. It was a success. Legends security sprinted down the field with trash bags in hand. I laughed so hard I shit myself. No seriously, I really shit myself. As did the thousands in attendance. Police graciously showed us the exit but the damage was done. In every minivan that left the park that evening sat a small child asking mommy and daddy what balls and cock were and why #8 sucks them. And as for #8, I'm sure he enjoyed it. His teammates in the bullpen were laughing harder than we were. One of the pitchers happened to be #8's roommate and he told us as we passed that they would never let him forget it. Well, you're welcome, #8. And to everyone else that was in attendance that day, you're welcome too. See you next Thursday.
As the last cup was placed to spell "#8 SUCKS BALLS + COCK", the Legends left fielder hit a grand slam into our section. It was an act of God. Every face in the ballpark turned to watch the ball go over the fence, but they got more than they expected as they saw our masterpiece. As the ball landed in the stands, the camera man zoomed in on the left field bleachers, not knowing what he was putting on the big screen. It was a success. Legends security sprinted down the field with trash bags in hand. I laughed so hard I shit myself. No seriously, I really shit myself. As did the thousands in attendance. Police graciously showed us the exit but the damage was done. In every minivan that left the park that evening sat a small child asking mommy and daddy what balls and cock were and why #8 sucks them. And as for #8, I'm sure he enjoyed it. His teammates in the bullpen were laughing harder than we were. One of the pitchers happened to be #8's roommate and he told us as we passed that they would never let him forget it. Well, you're welcome, #8. And to everyone else that was in attendance that day, you're welcome too. See you next Thursday. |  |
18 comments:
OMG That is hilarious
I went to a game not too long ago where I saw a number to text in case of an emergency flash across the jumbotron. About twenty minutes later someone was proposing to his girlfriend on the jumbotron. There a man was making an ass out of himself by committing to slavery and all the audience could do was applaud. I still feel guilty for not texting security to break up the death of that man's freedom.
you and your "crew" sound soooo cool. you guys roll sooo hard, gangstas
Andrew, you are an idiot.
Ha...Wow, stretch the truth much, or were you and your "crew" just too wasted to remember details? Most of the staff actually thought it was funny and even laughed with you guys afterward. You didn't get kicked out either, just relocated to the lawn, and welcomed to come back just like every other fan. We're okay with your "crew" joining us for beer and fun, as long as you act like an intelligent adult. By the way, most people couldn't read it from the stands, but glad to know your goal was to attract the attention of "kids". Congrats. And this was the 2008 season, but since you're making half of this up - knock yourself out.
All things considered, a clever prank, but not the best by far, even at our ballpark.
Again, you're welcome back anytime for Thirsty Thursday - Trust me, it's definitely a grand slam idea. Meanwhile, keep patting yourself on the back. Your crew consists of the most immature douchebags ever to drink 12oz beers and act hard.
Thursday, July 23 @ 7:05 PM
Lake County Captains vs. Lexington Legends
Thirsty Thursday - $1.00 Beer
Any crew with 20 or more receives discounted tickets. Thanks.
100% true and bad a$$? Hardly. You guys drank some $1.00 beers, made a goofy sign, and turns out the Legends staff laughed with you and apparently moved you to lawn seating.
You are soooo gangsta! What next? Graffiti on school buses?
Stop hating on this. You dudes are just mad that they didnt say your names and phone number instead so you could get some clients for the night for sucking balls.....Just saying....
Maybe next time your crew can spell out, "We're Here, We're Queer".
Whose dick did you have to suck to get a job working for the Legends?
And who the fuck over the age of 12 writes "A$$"?
Hahahaha I'm A GANGSTA!
Graffiti on school buses? That's a great idea. That'll be sooooo "bad @$$!"
Hey, I don't care if the guy embellished a bit or not, photo evidence shows they did it and had the nads to do it and the shit is funny. So all you haters can fuck off. Good job, Drew.
go away haters
Pretty funny, I hope the haters can get a sense of humor. You know what.....I believe the haters on your site suck balls on the down low that's why they're upset. A + for Drew!!!
I appreciate the support all of you anonymous friends!
IT WAS FUNNY BOTTOM LINE!
I know why the guy working for the Legend is so pissed off. Its because he works for the fucking Legends.
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