Vitamin Water Sales Down 99.8% In Kentucky

Nope, still not funny to me. I now regret ever buying Vitamin Water or laughing at their commercials. This ad had potential but it lacks the part where Pitino burns Christian Laettner alive at halfcourt in Rupp Arena as he chugs a fifth of Maker's, makes out with Ashley Judd, and then announces his return to Kentucky.

New Yankee Stadium Is Leg Amputee Accessible

Ummmmm....

Donte Drink And Drive!

Drinking and driving is not cool. There is the risk of losing your license, paying fines out the ass, and possibly even wrecking your car. Or more importantly, as Donte Stallworth found out early Saturday morning, you could kill someone. Kill, like, end someone's life. Someone, like, another human being that was minding their own business and has died because you couldn't call a cab driver. A cab driver, like, one who gives rides for roughly 35 bucks. 35 bucks, like, .000001% of your recently signed 35 million dollar contract with the Cleveland Browns.

Stallworth was headed toward the beach when he hit Mario Reyes, 59, around 7 a.m., said Miami Beach police spokesman Juan Sanchez. Reyes was taken to a nearby trauma center, where he was pronounced dead about an hour later. He was near a crosswalk but it's not clear if he was crossing legally.

Stallworth admitted to drinking at least four Patrons and two Margaritas. A separate source called that information “basically right,” but added that Stallworth contends he had his last drink at midnight. The incident occurred after 7:00 a.m. local time.

We’re also told that Stallworth claimed in his statement to police that he saw the man crossing the street from a distance, and flashed the high beams and honked the horn of the Bentley he was driving. Apparently, there’s an issue as to whether Stallworth could have taken evasive action because of a barrier along the median.

We’re told that Stallworth is badly shaken by the news that the pedestrian had died.

Considering Stallworth's past with alcohol abuse and the fact that he is enrolled in the NFL Substance Abuse Program, things aren't looking too bright for Donte. Hopefully he wasn't under the influence but this is a sad story regardless.

Source: ProFootballTalk.com via Kissing Suzy Kolber

This Never Gets Old

When I take a step back and look at my life as a whole, there are very few things that I love with a passion. You know, the things that warm the soul and put a smile on my face. Such things as my closest friends, my family, the love and touch of a woman, a cold beer in a frosty mug, a great game, the love and touch of two women at the same time, and the story of a young adolescent boy having sex with a teacher/superior/best friend's mother. Well today, I hit for the cycle as I sat down after enjoying an ice cold Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale and reading that a 13 year old boy has been sleeping with his history teacher. Oh, and also with his math teacher. This video courtesy of CNN has the details...

Source: CNN.com - "Boy Sleeps With Two Teachers?"

Back From The Dead

What better day than Friday the 13th to rise from the grave and bring the Horace Grant Halftime Report back to life. The computer had a successful procedure, although I lost everything (nearly 4000 songs, webcam pics of my best friend's sister, fondue recipes, some personal cock-shots) but it's time to get back to business. I'm assuming that any followers we had are long gone so it's basically a fresh start. So, tell a friend, tell 2 friends, tattoo it to your ass - The Horace Grant Halftime Report is alive. "I'm back-you bitches-I'm better-than ever."