Anderson Varejao averages 6.6 points and 6.5 rebounds per game. I have nothing else to say.
Cavs Sign Anderson Varejao To 6-Year/$50 Million Contract
Anderson Varejao averages 6.6 points and 6.5 rebounds per game. I have nothing else to say.
Erin Andrews Takes It In The Face
(Be glad that I am too hungover to photoshop) America's sideline sweetheart, Erin Andrews, was rushed to the hospital after taking a foul ball to the chin from the New York Mets' Alex Cora during the 4th inning yesterday. Luckily, she only suffered a minor bruise but upon examining Ms. Andrews' chin, doctors discovered over 60 different traces of professional athlete's DNA.
Jordan Crawford's Facebook Is Blowing Up
By now you've heard about Xavier sophomore Jordan Crawford posterizing Lebron James. Of course we'll never see it because Nike confiscated the footage so their biggest asset, King James, doesn't get shown up. Jordan was on First Take with his uncle Jay Crawford to discuss the two-handed flush and his new celebrity status.I think this dunk has been too hyped up and for that, I hope it stays a mystery. It has disappointment written all over it. It's like falling in love on Craigslist to the girl with no picture. KYBabyPhat35 may sound gorgeous and she may write the most explicit, erotic, stimulating private messages you've ever read, but sometimes it is just better that we leave the actual product up to our imagination to avoid the heartbreak.
***KYBabyPhat35 - if you're reading this, please e-mail me back. I'm worried. I waited for a couple of hours last night and you never showed. You did mean the southside Denny's right? XoXo
Keith Norfleet Raps About Murder. Idiot.
"KaNe antioch"The ex-boyfriend of Sahel Kazemi continues to amaze me. Apparently, he is an aspiring rapper and has a song about killing an older guy. Oh, Keith. You are the man. It's looking like a murder-suicide is going to be the verdict so you're off the hook on the murder accusations but that doesn't mean your clear of all toolbag charges. I can only imagine the collection of flat bill hats and tall tees that fill your double-wide. R.I.P. Steve McNair.
“If you ever do it again b***h I’m not rapping
I’m getting a clip and clapping and I’m not laughing
They’re wrapping you up for your little trip to the morgue
While I’m preparing for my trip to the shore,
Don’t ignore me, I’m not lying, I couldn’t be more honest
If you ever do it again, you’ll die, I promise.”
Big Fan: The Pacman Jones Story, Starring Patton Oswalt
Here is the trailer for the Sundance film, Big Fan starring Patton Oswalt. The story follows a hardcore football fan who gets beat up by his favorite player. Hmmm... what a brilliant concept. How could anyone think up such a scenario? What's next? The fictional tale of Bones Hamilton, home run king who shattered ancient records while failing piss tests?
Someone Has Some Explaining To Do
Meet Keith Norfleet. Norfleet is the ex-boyfriend of Sahel Kazemi, the slain woman who police are suspecting killed Steve McNair and then herself. I told myself to avoid writing anything related to the Steve McNair case but I stumbled across this information while searching for Keith N. Orfleet, my chiropractor, and I just couldn't ignore it. Anyway, Norfleet's MySpace status seems a bit fishy considering someone happened to "come in between him and the one he loves, and in turn he lost everything." Poor timing on the status update there Keith. Now, meet Jett "The Caucasian Persuasion" Jackson....
"TCP", as he is called at local skating rinks, took his MySpace status to the next level of stupidy.... "riden with keith. fuck a quarterback. who is Mcnair in '09? rip sahel kazemi." Now I'm no detective, (although I was a badass at Clue) but this guy has some explaining to do. Notice his last login is 7/2/2009 but he already wrote "rip sahel kazemi", who was found dead on the 4th. "riden with keith"... Where ya riden to Jett? "fuck a quarterback"... Oh, the one that was just murdered? Uh oh. I smell something.Call me crazy but I'm on "Team It Was A Double Homicide." Suicide just seems too unlikely from a girl that is being showered with gifts from a multi-millionaire. Then, throw in these two d-bags and things open up a little bit from the murder-suicide theory. Now, I'm not calling these guys guilty of murder- that one is up to those CSI people that find fingerprints and semen on walls with the naked eye. I am just hear to pronounce them guilty of improper MySpace use based on evidence of being a tool and taking pictures of themselves in the bathroom mirror. MySpace is to only be used by teenage girls and the high school dropout predators that prey on them. Now, good luck explaining your way out of this one boys. Neither of you seem capable of organizing a crime of this magnitude (you seem like more of the street racing in your tricked out '96 Cavalier type) but to me you're looking guilty as hell. In time, the ballistics will tell the story. R.I.P. Mac-9.
via [SportsbyBrooks]
Boston Celtics: The New York Yankees Of The NBA
Rasheed Wallace is now a member of the Boston Celtics. Wow. Danny Ainge, what in the hell are you doing? What about this seems like a good idea? Rasheed Wallace is already a headcase and now he is a headcase that will be sitting on your bench in the 4th quarter. There is no way he'll get minutes over Garnett and he certainly won't see the floor against Shaq and Dwight Howard. Kendrick Perkins has played great defense against Howard in the past so don't expect him to give up any clock during crunch time. Plus, the signing of Wallace likely means the departure of Big Baby and/or Leon Powe. You know, the two guys that have been incredibly clutch in the playoffs. Damnit, this is such a Yankee-like signing- "Hey, that guy was really good four years ago, let's pick him up and get rid of the young, maturing role players. Surely a bunch of injury-riddled, washed up superstars can mesh well and play team ball. Nevermind the fact that they've been THE guy throughout their entire careers and expect most of the shots." Yeah, good luck with that Danny. Enjoy watching 'Sheed jack up ill-advised three pointers with a hand in his face. Oh, and don't get pissed when he chucks his headband down to the end of the bench. You know, the same bench you're paying him way too much to sit on.
5-7, 7-6 (6), 7-6 (5), 3-6, 16-14
Roger Federer defeated Andy Roddick in a record 4 hour and 16 minute Wimbledon final to capture his 15th Grand Slam title. Somehow I managed to sleep through the entire match but the box score makes it seem like it was worth watching. Pete Sampras is still the greatest. I said it.
Steve McNair Fatally Shot In The Head, Listed As Probable For Sunday
By now you've all heard about the tragic death of Steve McNair. I'm sure that all of you were just as stunned as I was to hear the news. I thought to myself, Steve McNair can't die, he's Steve McNair. Steve would stiff arm death and run for the first down. But even the NFL's ironman can't survive a gunshot to the head. What a tragic ending to the 36 year life of a legend. There are still a lot of details to be revealed but this is a sad, sad story and I really hope that Steve's extramarital relationship does not taint his legacy. Athletes cheat on their wives, it's what they do. (See Bryant, Kobe.) Let's not forget that Steve McNair was one of the few good guys in professional sports. He was involved in numerous charitable organizations including The Steve McNair Foundation. After Hurricane Katrina, he organized a relief convoy of 20 semi-trailers full of food, medical supplies and donated goods, along with $80,000 in cash donations. His career on the field will always be defined by how hard he played every Sunday. The quarterback position is measured by statistics but McNair's, though impressive, mean nothing. He will be remembered for playing through pain and injuries when most would've given up. KSK said it best - "Rest in peace, Air McNair. Had you not already retired, we’re sure you could play through this one, too."....Steve McNair doing what he did best. You could never count the Titans out of a game with Air McNair at quarterback. Super Bowl XXXIV will always be known for Kevin Dyson's outstretched arm at the one yard line but many have forgotten about the unbelievable 4th quarter comeback and the drive leading up to the goal line.
Joey Chestnut Is America
What would the 4th of July be without Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest? The challenge is as American as apple pie, NASCAR, Budweiser, and Orange-Glo. So, it was only appropriate that on America's birthday, America's Joey Chestnut defended his title with a record 68 hot dogs against Kobayashi's 64 1/2. Suck it Japan - this is our day. Chestnut's third straight title cements his place as the face of Nathan's competitive eating after Kobayashi dominated the sport from 2000 to 2006. Since Chestnut interrupted the Kobayashi dynasty with an upset in 2007, The Chestnut-Kobayashi rivalry has grown bigger than the sport itself. Consider it Federer-Nadal with meat sweat, Bird-Magic dunked in water, Ali-Frazier with gastric bypass, or Sosa-McGwire without the juice. It is the U.S.A. vs. Japan and today we prevailed. Joey Chestnut is champion. Joey Chestnut is competitive eating. Joey Chestnut is America. Boom.
Skinny Jessica Simpson Says Happy 4th of July!
Everyone have a safe and hammered 4th of July weekend. Don't expect a whole lot on The Report (not that there has been much all week) but I'll be back at it Sunday night (pending the condition of my liver.) Happy Birthday America.
I Can't Even Begin To Keep Up With The NBA
For those that plan on purchasing NBA Live '10 in a few months, be prepared to download the updated rosters because the NBA is experiencing a complete makeover this summer. Normally, I would provide some insight and (more importantly) photoshop to a blockbuster trade but I don't have the time nor the motivation to keep up to date on all of these transactions. Is the NBA in the middle of a fantasy draft? It seems like the next big headline could be "Los Angeles Clippers Trade Player 1 to the All 70s team for George Gervin and a Create-A-Player to be named later." I am going to be so lost next season....Boston Celtics send big hitters to woo Rasheed Wallace
Ricky Rubio will return to Spain to finish out his 2-year deal with DKV Joventut.
Detroit Pistons sign Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva
Ron Artest is "happy to say" that he will be joining the Lakers.
Trevor Ariza verbally agrees to a deal with the Houston Rockets.
Allen Iverson is interested in Memphis but should probably retire.
The Mavericks are near completing a deal with Orlando center Marcin Gortat.
Yao Ming will likely miss the entire season 2009-2010 with a potential career ending foot injury.
Phoenix traded Shaquille O'Neal to Cleveland for Ben Wallace, Sasha Pavlovic, and a 2010 second-round draft pick
New Jersey traded Vince Carter and Ryan Anderson to Orlando for Rafer Alston, Courtney Lee and Tony Battie.
San Antonio traded Bruce Bowen, Kurt Thomas and Fabricio Oberto to Milwaukee for Richard Jefferson.
Minnesota traded Randy Foye and Mike Miller to Washington
Golden State traded Jamal Crawford to Atlanta for Acie Law and Speedy Claxton.
New York traded Quentin Richardson to Memphis for Darko Milicic.
Phil Has Too Much Time On His Hands
I'm not a big fan of Phil Mickelson but this video is pretty impressive. Almost as impressive as if he had pulled a 3 wood out of his bag on 18 at Winged Foot and put it down the middle to win the U.S. Open. But hey, different strokes for different folks, I guess.
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