Farewell

If you had told me a few months ago that this pathetic excuse of a website would be where it is today, I probably would ask you where you purchased the narcotics and if you could get your hands on more. I never dreamed that The Report would take off like it has. It's gone from "oh wow, I got 20 views today" to being all over the internet. ESPN has used my material, Deadspin has linked to stories, and Ocho Cinco occassionally shoots me a message. ESPN's SportsNation has asked for permission to put me on the show, Tucker Max wants to go to a Legends game, and Marisa Miller has been quoted as saying she wants to have my babies (ok, I made that last one up). And just think, through all of this, Horace Grant still hasn't sued me! (I was really waiting for that one, already had my suit picked out for court.) Anyway, the decision to hang up the Rec-Specs and switch to KSR was not an easy one but after weighing the pros and cons, and then flipping a coin, I decided to move on. I really appreciate those of you that visited here on a regular basis. If I could divide up the $8.71 I've made from Google ads (what a joke), I would share it with everyone. For those of you that are UK fans, you'll still be seeing plenty of me at KSR. For everyone else, I don't know how in the hell you found this but thanks for following and you haven't seen the last of me. I will attempt to cover Kentucky athletics but we all know that my calling in life is to cover teachers that sleep with students - I can't run from that gift forever. Now, let's take a look back at the life and times of The Horace Grant Halftime Report:

Please use the comments section to pay your respects and say goodbye. Thanks again, world.

Kentucky Sports Radio

Well, here is a post I didn't plan on doing for a long time. I'll cut right to the chase... The Horace Grant Halftime Report is done. Finished. No mas. I have moved over to join a great team at Kentucky Sports Radio. It was not an easy decision but it was an offer I couldn't turn down. KSR has been my favorite website for quite sometime and it gives me the opportunity to cover my beloved Kentucky Wildcats. Follow me over there as I attempt to entertain Big Blue Nation while pissing off all that stand in the way of the 'Cats.

The Best Fight From UFC 101

At least one fight at UFC 101 was interesting. This is a video from the crowd in Philadelphia last night and it appears that more punches were thrown here than in the entire Griffin/Silva fight. The video isn't very clear but it is about the only excitement you're going to get out of the event. UFC definitely dropped the ball, especially after all of the buzz from last month's UFC 100.

Josh Hamilton: "Sorry For Partying"

Josh Hamilton pleaded "human" to the photos of him partying taken back in January. Josh owned up to the situation and acknowledged that he lost focus on what is crucial to his recovery - Christ. Also crucial to his recovery - covering those ridiculous tattoos and not hanging out with girls built like linebackers.

I don't believe that Hamilton owed the media an apology for these pictures but I guess he handled it as best as he could for a guy without a whole lot of experience in partying. I turn up in random bar photos all the time and eventually you just learn to laugh them off and hope you wore a condom. But, you have to respect Josh Hamilton for not dodging the incident like most athletes (see Ortiz, David).

Wastin' Away Again In Margaritaville

The Hammered Tour '09 continues for the next few days so I will be out of the office. Next stop: Jimmy Buffett Concert: Riverbend, Cincinnati, Ohio. Pray for my well-being. See you soon.

Erin Andrews Was Knowingly Photographed In High School

I like the peephole video better. I'm just sayin...

The Horace Grant Halftime Report's 2009 Preseason All-SEC Selections

FIRST TEAM ALL-SEC OFFENSE

Position	Name	School	Total Votes
TE	Drake, T.C.	Kentucky	(1)
OL	Duncan, Zipp	Kentucky	(1)
OL	Johnson, Christian	Kentucky	(1)
OL	Hines, Stuart	Kentucky	(1)
OL	Jeffries, Justin	Kentucky	(1)
C	Gonzalez, Jorge	Kentucky	(1)
WR	Cobb, Randall	Kentucky	(1)
WR	Lanxter, Kyrus	Kentucky	(1)
QB	Anyone, But.... Hartline, Mike	Kentucky	(1)
RB	Smith, Alphonso	Kentucky	(1)
RB	Locke, Derrick	Kentucky	(1)

FIRST TEAM ALL-SEC DEFENSE

Position	Name	School	Total Votes
DL	Jarmon, Jeremy	Kentucky	(1)
DL	Lumpkin, Ricky	Kentucky	(1)
DL	Peters, Corey	Kentucky	(1)
DL	Burden, Chandler	Kentucky	(1)
LB	Johnson, Micah	Kentucky	(1)
LB	Johnson, Micah's Left Bicep	Kentucky	(1)
LB	Johnson, Micah's Right Bicep	Kentucky	(1)
DB	Lindley, Trevard	Kentucky	(1)
DB	Burden, Randall	Kentucky	(1)
DB	Guy, Winston	Kentucky	(1)
DB	Harrison, Calvin	Kentucky	(1)

You Just Got Knocked The Fug-Out!

Just one month ago today, on the Fourth of July, Japan invaded America and tried to compete with us on our own turf. We beat that ass and I provided the post-game trash talking. Today, Dan Hornbuckle takes the U.S.A. pain train overseas and reiterates my point as he kicks Japan in the face on their own turf. U-S-A! U-S-A! BOOM.

Have I Mentioned That I Hate Tennessee? Well, I Hate Tennessee.

The Tennessee Volunteers have defeated my beloved Kentucky Wildcats 24 consecutive times. I hate them. I absolutely hate them. Last year, I made the trek to Neyland Stadium for Fat Phil's last game. It was miserable, I tried to kill myself at halftime. Try sitting amongst 100,000 crying people watching the jumbotron as a tribute video of a fat guy wearing a headset plays for what felt like 4 hours. Then color those 100,000 people bright orange. Yeah, you get it. Hell on Earth.

Now, just when I thought my hatred for Tennessee was at it's max, UT hires Lane Kiffin. Kiffin hasn't coached a game and he is already running his mouth throughout the SEC, breaking every recruiting rule, and putting up billboards promoting his players. He sucks. If he found a cure for cancer, ended world hunger, and reunited the Hot Boys, I would still kick his ass.

So now that I've expressed my animosity towards the Volunteers, I would like to share with you a video that really sucks. This is the least intimidating thing that I've ever seen. I feel like I stumbled across an audition tape for Thunder From Down Under. I'm still searching for the uncut, extended version where the entire team runs a train on Layla Kiffin.

After all of the rumors of violations at UT under Kiffin, why pose next to an expensive car? I would have the whole team posing next to the library. Kiffin, you suck. I can't wait for November 28th when The Big Orange comes into Commonwealth. Go Cats.

Matthew Stafford Is Already A Winner In My Book

Tim Tebow, are you paying attention? This is how it's done. You can have your Heisman trophy and your National Championships but this is how the quarterback position was meant to be played.

You can't see me right now but I am giving Matthew Stafford a standing ovation. Applause. Who cares if you play for the Lions? Keep living the dream, sir. My hat is off to you...

Quiet Please!

Tiger Woods won the Buick Open yesterday (does Buick still make cars?) but apparently no one cares about the win. The only talk of the tournament is of Tiger supposedly ripping one on 18.

Kevin Durant Dominates D.C.'s Goodman League

I don't know what the Goodman League is but by the looks of the competition Kevin Durant is facing here, I would assume that it is similar to the D.C. Special Olympics.

[SportsbyBrooks.com]

Stephon Marbury Is A Wreck (Literally)

I am in Dayton, Ohio for the weekend but I will leave you with this video until I return Sunday night. It is of my new favorite lunatic (sorry Gary Busey) Stephon Marbury on Ustream and Ustream ain't nothin' but the devil.

We've already seen him cry and eat vaseline, but this time Starbury and the devil are in a car accident and he doesn't miss a beat. He knows what it is, don't worry about it - it's the devil. I watched this video over and over because it ain't nothin' but the devil. Enjoy, and stay away from the devil and his kingdom. See you Sunday night, I plan on coming back swingin'.

Brett Favre Is _____________

(A.) Signing with the Minnesota Vikings.
(B.) Staying retired.
(C.) An indecisive dick.
(D.) Both B. & C.

Correct answer: (D.)

Today, Brett Favre told ESPN's Ed Werder that he will remain retired rather than becoming the Minnesota Viking's starting quarterback. Tomorrow, Rachel Nichols will report that Brett Favre threw a paper wad into a trash can and eye witnesses said he has his throwing motion back. This weekend, Sal Paolantonio will stand in the middle of a runway at MSP Airport, dodging incoming planes while reporting that one of the aircrafts could possibly be transporting Brett Favre. Next week, Bob Holtzman will refute the weekend airplane rumors after inside sources told him that Brett Favre was seen at a Steak N' Shake in Hattiesburg Saturday night. Subsequently after Holtzman's report, ESPN's Michael Smith will report that Brad Childress sent Brett Favre a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine, pictures of his penis, and a mixtape of his favorite love ballads recorded on a TDK-60 cassette. Hours after the news of Childress' gift, ESPN's John Clayton will look like he has been dead for three days and is being held up by puppet strings as he reports that Brett Favre played online euchre with an opponent from a Wisconsin IP address. In two weeks, ESPN will officially change it's name to BFPN. Brett Favre Favre Brett Favre Favre Favre Retire Return Favre Brett Favre Favre Favre Brett Brett Favre.

How To Get Kicked Out Of A Baseball Game... Again.

"How To Get Kicked Out Of A Baseball Game" put The Horace Grant Halftime Report on the map. The traffic on this site during that week was unbelievable. So, I thought to myself, how in the world could I ever continue this momentum and capitalize on the fame? Hmmm... Well, what the hell? Let's do it again.

You know the story: minor league game, $1 beers, heckling the left fielder, yadda yadda yadda. This is what it all led to this time. Now keep in mind, "#8 Sucks Balls + Cock" was legendary. Be fair in judging the sequel- there is no way the original could be outdone. You can give Leonardo Da Vinci a blank canvas but there is still no recreating the "Mona Lisa." But, I bet he could drink a lot of dollar beers and sling some paint around.

So here it is, folks - "The Last Supper" to our "Mona Lisa." That's right, we got drunk and created another masterpiece. Only our canvas is a chain-linked fence in left field and our paint brush is a shit-load of empty plastic cups.

Long live Thirsty Thursdays...